Pairings of the Fairy Kind
by DarkFlameOfTheMonkey
Summary: A short drabblish piece for every Artemis Fowl pairing that came to my mind. How good the chapter is probably depends on how plausible the pairing is. Don't bash all the pairings except your favourite, because I'm probably doing your fave too! Dedicated t
1. Not Ready Yet

**A/N: You've never seen me around, have you? But the truth is, I absolutely love this fandom! I've been reading Artemis Fowl for who knows how long. Well, today's my first fanniversary, so I'm doing this.**

**The thing I really like about this series is the variety of pairings you can make. So I've written a short drabblish thing for all the non-slash ones I could think of. (Oh, the slashes would be another fandom by themselves! Not that I have anything against them, I'm just not bothered or crazy enough to do them all.) I believe I screwed up a lot of them in this story. Half of them aren't even fluffy, just little reflections on what the two people or People have done. And if the chapters are totally stupid, then the pairing I'm trying to write about could be a little screwy. Don't one hundred percent bash one chapter because of the pairing _then_ review another with love, because I'm probably doing your favourite pairing as well! But if you review briefly saying that you like the pairing, then that's fine. I'm okay with normal reviews.**

**In this there are pairings involving our two main characters, Artemis and Holly, as well as a few side pairings. Although I chose not to do a couple of pairings, like Chix/Lilli. I haven't got enough information for them, such small characters they are. I previously included HollyxButler, but after rereading it I deleted it in terror of my own work. It wasn't pretty, trust me.**

**Disclaimer: Oh how I fervently wish... I'm not Eoin Colfer. Simple as that. But why couldn't _I_ have come up with it? Darn.**

**Dedication: This whole story is dedicated to a friend of mine. It's been over a year since I've seen 'im. Do you remember me? Do you even know who I am? It's for you. All of it. So sorry I didn't lend you my Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony book back in Year 6! Hope I can see you again! Really hope I can see you again.**

Not Ready Yet

A new suit. That's what he needed. A fresh suit.

Beige, maroon, a powdery grey that reminded him of Qwan and No. One; he sifted through them all, dust from the past three years floating up in gentle clouds to his nose. Artemis could still fit in everything within his wardrobe. He chose a red tie instead of black, usually reserved for his business meetings with criminals and business partners alike.

Instead he was meeting Minerva Paradizo for dinner.

The girl had squealed and exclaimed in rapid French over the phone (Artemis Fowl understood perfectly, of course).

"England, Artemis. Just a British Isle away for you and across the English Channel for me. We can meet at the London Eye, I know a fine eatery near there. Oh Artemis, I'm so glad! I'll try and be there by 6p.m. See you there, Artemis Fowl."

Butler hadn't forgotten how to fly the Lear, Artemis found. Lucky for that. The man had shaved for the first time in two and a half years. He insisted it was a momentous occasion. Artemis going out with a girl, and all that. Artemis flew over the Irish Sea in his jet, contemplating whether or not to ask Butler about Minerva. He decided against it. Male teenagers go through a time when everything they say involving the opposite gender is excruciatingly awkward and embarrassing.

Minerva was a lot or a bit taller, that was the first thing Artemis had noticed. Inside white boots and a beige coat and gloves, she looked pretty tall. Her face had gotten a little longer too. And she was as, well...as _blonde_ as ever. She shook hands with him formally, then grabbed Artemis' arm and pulled him into a quick hug. The fifteen year-old girl shook off the awkwardness at once and led Artemis to a restaurant a short walk away. Minerva had the manners to ask whether he'd like to eat first or get straight to the defeat he was bound to receive in chess.

They spent the night half-ignoring their spaghetti and glancing at each other over cups of orange juice. The owners of the restaurant were sticking to the under eighteen alcohol law. Although if Artemis Fowl went by his birth certificate... But then Artemis didn't feel like explaining how he had only spent fourteen years alive to anyone at the moment.

Somehow, twelve short conversations later, mainly comprising of Minerva keeping Artemis up to date with the current state of Stephen Hawking and handful of new Prime Ministers and Presidents, Artemis had ended up in a park bench with Minerva next to him. Cuddling very close. Sighing softly every now and then. The next moment Artemis was fully aware of, Minerva's face was very close to his. He jerked back instinctively. She had been about to kiss him! Minerva drew back, inquisitive.

"_Quelle affaire?"_

Artemis suddenly felt incredibly weary. He was only fourteen, and a half if you want to get precise. He wasn't ready for this. The world thought he was almost eighteen, Minerva including. The human race had left him behind. Artemis Fowl was struggling, _struggling_, to catch up. For the first time in his life the world expected something of him that he wasn't ready for. He had always been ahead of average people his age, always. Now he was straggling, he had missed out on three years of living, of experience and knowledge. He had been caught off guard, he hadn't heard the starting pistol. Artemis felt like screaming right there in public, _I'm only fourteen!_

For the first time in his life, Artemis Fowl II wasn't ready yet.

**There's a wee little pretty button down that-a-way...**


	2. Not Too Old to Learn

**A/N: When I started reading AF I used to love this pairing... Now I can't write anything decent about it at all... Odd. Well, at least I humiliate Artemis.**

Not Too Old to Learn

Artemis Fowl is a child genius. We have already established that. Further elaborations on the subject are not needed.

Most people, when watching television with children, would somewhat cherish the time in future.

Juliet Butler was just really, really, really concentrating on the cricket.

She was not like most people. Most people would not wrestle a 13 year old boy into a leather sofa and make them stay there on pain of computer hard drive-death, even though the boy's mother was your employer, and a very touchy one at that. Ever since Mister Fowl had returned from Russia, she'd been like that. What had caused Juliet to suddenly become more violent, no one knows.

"After only seventeen minutes of watching, I have concluded that this sport is particularly tedious and boring."

Juliet was insulted. "Oh, don't judge it like that. Cricket is _fu-un_. You have no sense of patriotism, Artemis."

Artemis blinked tiredly. "Cricket is usually more prominent in the British-settled colonies. We're in Dublin, the southern part of Ireland and not part of the United Kingdom at all, Juliet. And besides, you're American born, are you not?"

Juliet didn't hesitate. "So what? I like cricket." she said indignantly. Sighing, she rather unwisely said, "Boys your age should be into this stuff, ya know."

This earnt her a serious scoff.

Cricket game completely forgotten, Juliet turned on the boy next to her. "Artemis, you've just turned thirteen years old and you've never played a sport."

"Chess!"

"...You don't know anything about courting the other gender..."

"I've hardly the time. You and Mother are the only females in my vicinity. And I'm not going outside to chase down another one." He said this all in a very calm manner, as if he was just saying that he couldn't be bothered. But despite this, he blushed.

"Flattered in the same way I am when the boys around here grovel at my feet." Juliet said half-sarcastically. "And you're not patriotic at all!" she finished. Juliet's voice took on a whining, pleading tone. It was time for her biggest weapon. "What about St Patty's Day, Artemis? St Patrick! You should be ashamed of yourself! You've never drunk anything on St Patty's!" She stood up from the lounge and started yelling a bit louder. "The rest of the_ world_, the entire world Artemis, comes to this country and puts _our_ huge glasses of beer on their _travel shows!_ How can ye not feel the pride then, eh lad?"

That was the moment that Juliet Butler lost her sanity. She moved in front of the TV and started an impromptu Irish dance. "How can ye not drink a mugga tha liquid gold on the holiest of Irish days, boy?"

"Juliet, isn't this a little overboard...?"

"How can ye ignar the people on the edge of the street sellin' bags of shamrocks?"

Artemis had temporarily given up trying to argue with his bodyguard's sister by now. At last Juliet sat back down, laughing.

"I'm under-age." Artemis said weakly.

Juliet leaned in close to his face and puffed, "HA! That is where I got you, kiddo. I remember when you drugged me and my brother, and you drank the entire contents of that wine glass." She wagged her finger. "I know, because I had to wash them! You definitely don't stay away from the grog, Arty. I was only sixteen when I drank that, and I got drugged along the way, thanks to you."

"You know why I had to." After a while, Artemis relented. "I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's fine. Now back onto the matter of cricket." With nothing more said Juliet grabbed Artemis' wrist and stood up, heading for the door.

"Juliet! What are you doing?!"

"Teaching you how to play cricket! I'll round up the local boys for a team, they'll fall into line with a snap of my fingers. And after that I'll teach you how to get hungover like a _real_ Irishman! Oh! Have you tried Baileys Irish Cream before?"

"I told you Juliet, I only drink wine or champagne! And this is definitely not appropriate for a child!"

"Don't you usually show everyone that you're _better_ than a child? And most adults too! That's it then. I'm getting a bottle and putting it in some milk for you."

"But... Juliet!"

Juliet stopped suddenly, turning around to look the thirteen year old in the eye. "You may be a child genius, you may be my bro's charge, you may be a big pain, and you may know nothing about being a normal Irish boy, but it is _never_ too late to learn."

Artemis nodded, for the first time, dumbly.

**Am I just wasting my life writing eleven chapters?**


	3. Vision

**A/N: Two little blind genii. I find that picture cute, just a little bit.**

Vision

Those two were different to the rest of the world, but the same compared to each other. They had special skills, unique and gifted in the way hardly anyone else was. They were both, perhaps, the most intelligent one of their species.

Those two had _vision_.

She kept working at her inventions, because she _knew _that they could be made to work. She believed that people would buy and have them, and that she could make a fortune. She worked feverishly on her whims that her parents became fearful of their daughter.

He dealt with the the dirtiest wheelers and dealers above the earth, not only because he knew that there a gigantic man behind him with a Sig Sauer, but also because he had a dream of making the world his own. He had the vision of finding his father by himself, it was there, so clear a picture that had imprinted itself on his mind. He had sat at his computer for an age and an eon, because he _knew_ that he could decipher the People's Book.

She had the cunning and courage to lay the police force of her people under siege, because she had the smarts and the guts _and_ the vision.

He took on the fairy race because he believed that he could take them and _win_.

It was because they had the vision. They saw opportunity when it came. When they had a dream they pursued it until it was done, no matter how much they cracked.

When they first came across each other, their eyes were too filled with their visions that they did not see each other. They were so similar that in any other circumstances they might have joined forces to fulfil each others' dream. Then they would doublecross each other in such a way that, if anyone had seen, it just might've been amusing.

It comes with being so stunningly smart and cunning.

Every time he took a breath, he could feel his fingers grab for the world, a short lunge for the perfect picture that was getting closer with each passing second. Each time she blinked, her civilisation shrinked away and her own world took over, just a flash of her ideal within her mind.

If his dream and her fantasy had included each other in their perception, they could have entered another world, with just each other and their hopes. She could have become an apparition of beauty, he a sight of intrigue.

But for all their vision, they could not see each other.

**Do you know the Muffin Man? If you don't know him, perhaps you know that if you click on a few purple rectangles in the correct order, you'd make me very happy?**


	4. Touch

**A/N: Before I started reading AF fanfiction, I never thought of this pairing as a possibility. How blind I have been... This pairing's very flexible, that's why I like it so much!**

Touch

"We never get to hang out."

But it was always nice to see him. Always. Alright, maybe not the first time, when he ambushed her at the oak tree, and maybe not even the next time when he stole her remaining magic on that train in Northern Russia... For some reason it was always the magic that ticked her off. And her people's technology. Did he really _have_ to use the LEP's things to make a stupid super computer? Honestly! The kid can't stop! Even in the time tunnel, he had to dabble with magic. It was he who scammed the Book off a sprite in Vietnam, it was he stole his own ration of blue light.

"We'll always be a part of each other now."

She could never really see behind those blue eyes. And now it was a bit unnerving to see one of her own eyeballs in his face. But it was a nice memento. Every time she looked into a mirror she could never forget that it was he who saved her life.

"I'll keep an eye out for you."

Weird, eh?

"Was that a joke? My goodness, you are changing."

Even weirder.

Watching him change was bittersweet. The cold preteen that had kidnapped her and held her for ransom turned into a boy that started thinking of others for a while. When his mind was wiped, he still thinking of himself, but only how to preserve his memories. She'd always felt a moral turmoil inside her gut when she thought about him. Should she had let a changed boy go back to what he was before? The boy that stole money and masterpieces under to nose of the planet? It almost made her cry.

She'd nearly cried when she saw him look at the fake snow, and remembrance flickered on his face.

"Snow..."

Could he not remember? The goblins, the gel that he had to crawl through, how could he not remember? The sight of the coin as it spun back to earth, with a hole in its centre? Not even that? She felt like taking his shoulders and shaking him. How could he do this to her?

Then he turned into a real teenager.

"That was probably dangerous. You being a pubescent volcano."

He'd never been kissed before, other than by his parents. He didn't think his first kiss would come from a fairy. To be honest, a few months before he didn't really believe that he'd ever get a kiss from a girl. As soon as that puberty had hit him it was nothing but girls. Technically, his first kiss had come from Holly. A boy that had a kiss from a fairy. It's always nice to be one of the first, and this time he didn't have to kidnap anyone.

Why she had to keep disappearing every time he turned around, he could not understand. After every crisis they went through, he would look over his shoulder and there would only be the rest of the world, never her. He shouldn't have to take a camera and film her, then view it one frame at a time just to see her smiling at him. He could only close his eyes, and replay in his mind every time he had touched her.

All the thrilling adventures, those were all they had to treasure.

"There's always a crisis."

No, they never got to hang out. But they were grateful for every touch.

**I wonder why whenever Artemis gets paired up with a fairy, I always think of a fic related to the senses?**


	5. Been There, Done That

**A/N: Now we get to the juicy fairy stuff! Muahahahaha!**

Been There, Done That

Trouble Kelp was an outgoing sort of policeman. He had loads and loads of successful missions to his credit. He was always excited to go into a fray. He had never spoken the word 'retreat' until the goblin uprising. All in all, he's an elf that has been places.

But Holly Short was the sort of person that drags adventure around with her by the bootlaces. Trouble Kelp loved an adventure, so it made sense that he often stuck around her. If he hadn't chosen to be there but was there anyway, it was just as well. He was good with dealing with adventure.

He was there at Holly Short's initiation on Tern Mor. He'd watched her rip and tear apart the house, with him inside of it. He was there to see her pin the acorns to her lapel, as the first female in Recon.

Trouble Kelp was there at Fowl Manor, to lead a squad into the house. He'd been the first one to get caught by Butler and tasted defeat, knowing full well that Holly was still inside.

He'd been there when the human metal was cruising down towards their city, sitting in a shuttle, with her in another. He'd been there to let her go, he'd been there to let her escape. That was just pure luck.

Oh yes, Major Kelp had certainly been places.

For three years, he hadn't seen her at work, after seeing her in her jumpsuit for what seemed like his entire life. For three years he hadn't sent her a birthday card, after planning the way he'd say Happy Birthday and sending it to her, even if she was on a mission, for as long as they'd been friends. For three years, he'd had hardly any major adventures. For an entire three years, there was no Captain Holly Short to speak of. Not even plain Holly Short.

Now he couldn't say that he'd been everywhere she had, sharing her adventures. Half a lifetime by her side on the police force had been disrupted by three ongoing years of loneliness and dullness. Sure, he'd been there when the B'wa Kell uprising had been taking place, yeah, he'd seen Koboi put behind bars. But he'd spent three years living normally while she was off having her biggest challenge to come. Holly Short had spent the last three years having a big adventure that he hadn't been a part of. On the famous Holly Short's last escapade, he'd been left behind. It'd be nearly impossible to catch up now. He'd never know the things she'd learned. His experiences had been topped, just like his flying scores, by Holly.

Trouble had been there, he had done that. But not everywhere, and not everything.

**Tad cliche and the term is a bit overused... But poor Trouble... Hehe. I've seen a lot of people write HollyxTrouble very well. I can't seem to manage it.**


	6. Mistakes

**A/N: Shame this pairing isn't a possibility in the later books. So sad. I was really crushed when Root died!**

Mistakes

When someone close to you dies, no matter how far from the truth it is...

...you can't help feeling that it was somehow your fault.

Holly had made mistakes. That whole incident was riddled with the holes she'd ripped and hadn't been able to patch up as she went. She spent hours replaying the events in her mind and berating herself for every slip she noticed. The memories were excruciatingly painful.

It was a mistake to let her commander go near Scalene first. It was a mistake to try and shoot the sweet spot.

"I thought you were a fraction low..."

That was the most devastating statement of Holly Short's life.

It was a mistake to fall for Koboi's trap, her little tricks that she sent out in barely noticeable ways. It was a mistake to stand idle and listen to her talk, her lies slathered in an innocent-sounding voice but still menacing, even when her commander's life ticked down to seconds.

And then, all of a sudden, her commander was gone. There was no commander to boldly call 'Julius' anymore.

It was a mistake to watch him die, allowing it to haunt her.

And then an orange flame blossomed in the centre of his chest...

It was a mistake to say goodbye, making it real.

"Be well."

It was a mistake to have loved him so much that it hurt.

They were all mistakes. Well she wouldn't be making any more of those.

_"I quit."_

**This is the part where my parents ask why on Earth I'm whimpering into my fist for... They just never understand this sort of thing, do they?**


	7. The Heat

**A/N: Oh no, I knew this one'd come back to haunt me. If you can write something plausible for this pairing, I envy SO MUCH at this moment. Why did I have to be born annoyingly determined to complete everything?**

The Heat

Holly had lost count of how many times her life had been saved. It got really annoying, sometimes.

Mulch Diggums also beat her in drinking matches. That was rather frustrating. Holly had spent a lot of her life proving that she could match, and often beat a lot of the men around in her near vicinity. And then this smelly dwarf that just so happens to be her work partner beats her in a drinking match that she was tricked into. Mulch had had to carry her hungover body to a sofa.

Not very pleasing for her.

Staring and glaring matches, she didn't win often. Even human Scrabble victories eluded her. Every day at work was a battle of wills.

There comes a time when she can't take the heat.

Mulch was so useful for the PI, he had talents that had caused the LEP to try and get a hold of him for work they were supposed to be doing themselves. He was vaguely funny for no reason at all, he knew his way around the city, and he had those oh so reputed dwarf skills.

Holly couldn't even contribute a gun into the formula anymore.

She liked the way he worked though, even though it was mixed with a bit of jealousy. He got the job done, even though there were a lot of unnecessary jokes. Holly had a feeling that dwarf could tunnel through a magma channel if it meant it'd keep the business running. Her doubts were rather small. And she couldn't help liking the way he laughed when he beat her in that drinking match. That loss still annoyed her. Holly was spurred on by that.

If Mulch Diggums could stand the heat, then so could she.

**I'm the sort of person that pushes myself. I really strained to do this one, and now I hate it. Bloody 'ell, that was a waste of time.**


	8. The Daily Challenge

**A/N: A centaur and an elf. They could open a donut shop.**

The Daily Challenge

For two workaholics, being challenged daily was a way of life. And both of them helped the other through their challenges.

At the beginning, it had been a challenge for Holly to get herself to work. It had been a challenge to ignore the scathing comments from the male LEP. It had been a challenge for Holly Short to go above everyone's expectations.

And then, as time went on, it had been a daily challenge for her not to smile when Foaly showed off or had asked her to get some hoof moisturizer on her next assignment above the Earth's surface.

That was one of the challenges she had failed.

It was a challenge for Foaly to call Commander Root 'Julius' as often as possible every day. It was a challenge to try and make the most of his budget (He often failed to do this). It had been a challenge for Foaly to try and beat Opal Koboi when she was on his turf. Not to mention tracking down Artemis Fowl when he ran loose, as he so often did after his first encounter with the fairies. It had been a challenge not to defend Holly on her first day when so many men had insulted her.

But then, both of them loved a challenge.

**If you move the mouse and apply enough pressure on the top left segment of it when the tiny white arrow is above the purple sqaure that says 'Go' when 'Submit Review' is in the long rectangle, a reviewing Window appears! THE WONDERS OF COMPUTER SCIENCE!**


	9. Dreams

**A/N: I bet Holly has _nightmares_ about this one...**

Dreams

Chix Verbil believed in following your dreams. He had dreamed of getting at least some recognition of taking on a hostile Mud Man at Fowl Manor. He had dreamed that Captain Short would throw herself at his feet in admiration for fending off the goblins.

Holly had constantly chastised him about this. She told him to concentrate on his job.

But a sprite can dream, can't he?

It's not like Holly Short didn't have dreams herself. She probably dreamed about getting a good assignment or of beating everyone else at crunchball. Chix fervently hoped that somewhere in those dreams, he was there.

A little far-fetched, but Chix had other things to occupy himself with, even though nabbing Holly Short was a good dream. He dreamt of flying these days. He wished he could fly again, and his grounded wings would twitch absently.

Holly berated him all the time about his dreams. Because of a small dream, his wing was fried.

Chix's dreams were just too big for his head.

**Has anyone actually seen Chix Verbil's head? I forget where that ending line came from...**


	10. Clueless

**A/N: This is one of the 'haha' ones instead of the 'aw that is so romantic' ones. Really, if you think of it as funny, it ends up screwing up your mind.**

Clueless

They'd plotted to take over the city together. They'd planned to backstab each other. What a plan.

He went for it too early. _She_ was lucky not to miss it. 

She had been too absorbed in her gloating too notice him. She was clueless.

He had no idea that he had been sprung. He had been clueless.

I say _had been,_ because Briar Cudgeon is no more. He, _somehow, _had gotten himself fried in plasma.

She had been the one to do it. Her little Hoverboy, the hovering chair had taken out someone.

He had been clueless, as had she. The shamed LEP lieutenant and a crazed inventor for world domination. All the work they had done to get that far, all gone with a teenage boy's mobile phone.

Opal went insane. Briar, poor Briar, lost his chance and died a death that some thought of as funny.

That poor, pathetic, clueless pair.

**I completely forget why I wrote this... Honestly. I'm becoming more like my father every second. Darn.**


	11. Questions

**A/N: Ah, the newest pairing in the series, shrouded in mystery. Foaly's new girlfriend! Sweet! I'll need popcorn if anything happens in the next book.**

Questions

It started with little questions. Small talk. Conversation starters. Itty bitty, insignificant little phrases that _just_ might've led to something.

"Who did this painting?"

Then they started _inquiring_ about each other's comfort and health. Asking each other what their _preferences_ were. That's the awkward stage when you have to think really fast in order not to humiliate yourself. When you're in the beginnings of a relationship, that's the way you think, even though you hardly ever do that with anyone else.

"Should we go around the block again tonight or cut across the street and grab some food?"

Then, there comes the big one.

"Say you'll marry me?"

Big question indeed. Hopefully the answer would be yes.

**There you go, it's all over. You're free to go, but please drop a review before you leave!**


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